No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Houston, we have a squirter
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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