I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
