Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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