Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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