I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
