Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
