dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
