i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
