I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
