omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
