I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
