it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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