I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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