New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
