it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
