I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
