cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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