Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
thus making me awesome and them whores
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
