Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
