My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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