I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
