I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
