Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
