Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
