Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
