She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
