he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
