I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
