Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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