I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
they need to just BURY HIM!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
