just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong