I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.