there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"