Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend