He told me they were just razor bumps!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying