the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
