lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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