Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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