WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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