Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
