The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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