forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
