Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
