Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
