Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
