Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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