Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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