you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
