I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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