my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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