I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
