what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
