Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
