real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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