and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
