its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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