so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
