Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
