i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
