I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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