weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
