Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  another moral hangover. fuck.

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  (910): another moral hangover. fuck. http://tfl.nu/vn7k
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (1059)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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  (215): I was like, "um, that's my butthole." http://tfl.nu/5utz
  Replies (32) Good night (1919) Bad night (6450)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

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  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (846) Bad night (5672)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.

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  (617): i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk. http://tfl.nu/yxee
  Replies (14) Good night (3438) Bad night (1562)
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  (916): View more from California

  i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget

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  (916): i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget http://tfl.nu/82uy
  Replies (7) Good night (4116) Bad night (1114)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

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  (214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki
  Replies (5) Good night (2028) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.

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  (904): Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point. http://tfl.nu/899i
  Replies (4) Good night (1316) Bad night (742)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?

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  (770): Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area? http://tfl.nu/etm9
  Replies (10) Good night (938) Bad night (949)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I've literally never felt worse

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  My body feels like its decomposing

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  (203): I've literally never felt worse (203): My body feels like its decomposing http://tfl.nu/4u06
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.

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  (562): Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers. http://tfl.nu/434l
  Replies (2) Good night (949) Bad night (513)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

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  (434): Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority. http://tfl.nu/mqpz
  Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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  (573): Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals http://tfl.nu/3npx
  Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?

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  (269): Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward? http://tfl.nu/adfm
  Replies (7) Good night (941) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.

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  (316): Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember. http://tfl.nu/lmps
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (380)
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  (408): View more from California

  YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU

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  (408): YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU http://tfl.nu/x6d6
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (493)

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