I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
