so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic