Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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