covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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