I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
