Pregnant stripper...not hot.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
