im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
